A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step

千里之行，始於足下

I've packed, I've visa'd, I've exchanged money, I've bought a VPN so I can use Facebook, I've said my goodbyes, I've even re-vamped my China blog in preparation for the switch-over. I'm officially going to China. Again. People are angry (more people than I was expecting actually), but they'll get over it. I've had to make several promises that I'll never leave the country again, so at least I can avoid being detained against my will for the time being. By Saturday I'll be 6,000 miles away, fully prepared for my endeavor but wholly irritated.

Irritated? Why? How could anyone going to spend a year in China possibly be irritated by that prospect (LOL jk, there are bare reasons). But, on a serious note, because, putting the considerable faff and panic aside, this job acquisition has been a nightmare for my personal finances. Bearing in mind that for the past 4 years I've been a student in full-time education, with nothing but the occasional part time job and un-paid internship to recommend me, it is only by virtue of my naturally frugal nature that I've been able to cough up enough money to go on this excursion, the majority of which will not be refunded. I don't maths, but let's calculate, hm? For the sake of my rant.

We'll forget the flights (which will be reimbursed) and the visa (£93, but everyone going to China has to get one, so I'll let it slide), personal expenses are as follows:

• Sign-up fee: £80 (that's right, I had to pay to get a job)
• Full medical check: £10 (now, this was only by grace of my doctor, it could have been upwards of £200, like my first visit)
• Criminal Records check: £69
• Insurance: £130
• Various photocopies: At least £1.50
• Beijing-Sichuan transfer: £170 (we were initially told to bring £50, yeah, right.)
• UK-China adaptor: £11.97
• Initial living expenses cover: £350
• VPN: £47.50

So the moral of the story is, unless you have a spare £500 floating around (+ up to £1000 you'll have to fork out for your flights, not reimbursed till the end of the year) or extremely loving parents, or very rich relatives, or a loan (good luck in this economic climate) you can't be an English Language Assistant for the British Council in China.

However, this post is not having a go at the British Council itself nor the China programme and its set up. I haven't actually started working/training, in fact, I haven't even left the bloody country yet, so I'm not really in a position to comment on that. What I do know is that it's a very competitive programme to get on and I've heard many a good thing (in other words, very few negative reviews). Everything's gone smoothly so far for the majority of people, and I must admit so far the organisers have been very on the ball and willing to help with the most ridiculous of worries. So if by chance you have stumbled across this post looking for an answer as to whether or not you should sign up for ELA China, please do not take this a deterrent. Unless of course you're making your decision solely based on financial incentive. In which case, this is not the job for you.

All I'm saying is that unless you are willing to scrimp, save, keep off the bottle, beg, borrow, steal, or get a job for at least 3 months before signing up, don't sign up. I'll reserve my judgement of the programme for now. But don't worry, there will be judgement.

Just so you know, I will be switching to my other blog - Stories About China - from now on!

Panic and Play

My personal panic levels have died down somewhat of late as I finally reached the conclusion that worrying about my work permit arriving (or not as the case maybe) on time for me to actually get a visa is something that is beyond my control. So, instead, I've decided to have fun with my indefinite time off. I've been out for lunches, dinners, been to a few parties, gone to museums, I even had a spa day with my mum! Not at all the attitude of someone who is worried about their immediate job prospects.

Charlotte and I at the
Greenwich Maritime Museum

I even learnt how to knit, just like I said I would! Here are my first couple of projects, a pair of Wristwarmers! The colours are a bit naff, but it's my 'practice pair' and the first things I ever really made myself! Super proud. Email me your orders kids.

A snowflake practice thingy that I made
That's right, I can stitch patterns now, and what?

I've had other things to worry about though. In general, I've decided that becoming an adult is too hard and - as a follow on from my last post - as my parents are making it so easy for me, I'm not really sure why I'm being press-ganged into it. For example, I've been convinced that I now have to go out and get something called a "credit card". Now, you may or may not know this, but I'm not exactly a big shopper. In fact, the only time I've ever used one is when my mum has instructed me to pay for something using this card that looks and acts an awful lot like a debit card. I'm so confused I'm actually gonna have to go into my branch and talk to someone. Like, those adverts that are on for Halifax, with the real people, with real jobs who go in, and discuss their finances. Like that. Christ. But I will actually need one, as the most recent application I made for a prepaid multi-currency card thingy was denied because I don't have a "credit rating". What? What are you talking about sir?

The most recent conversations I've had with my friends have all revolved around career paths, marriage and mortgages. We're becoming real people, with real jobs, in the real world. And I have to do lesson plans, because I'm going to be teaching. I was the one being taught a couple of months ago - these people really shouldn't be entrusting the future of their country's children into my sweaty palms. Half the material is on classroom control and actually getting people to talk - as if I have any modicum of power over these people. Remember when I was excited about the lesson plans?  - and the folders? - well I've realised now that these folders will be the means of earning my own living. Earning my own living.  I'm now 22 - and, yes, I am feeling it - but I didn't think I would be being canonblast-ed into responsibility. 

Oh, and Kathy sent me an email today telling me my work permit will arrive by the end of this week. See, no reason to panic after all.

                             WHEN SOMEONE ASKS ME ABOUT MY "CREDIT HISTORY"

Middle Class vs Only Child

Often in the wake of my birthday and the big party held in its honour (people sometimes remember that my mum's birthday is on the 8th...but most forget), I get a sharp sense of the reality of how lucky I am. It's basically a massive #CheckYourPrivilege moment. Amidst the presents, family, food, friends and just general lovin', it's easy to feel like it's all just a bit over the top and get a bit of 'surely this can't all be for me' syndrome. I'm never sure, though, whether this is a symptom of being an only child or just being a typical middle class family. Let me explain.

There have been two recent occurrences that have led me to consider this question. Firstly, when I told my parents that I didn't really felt like I deserved a prize for getting a first, they bullied me into picking something. When I had decided on the new Wii U they responded with something along the lines of 'Well, that's not very exciting is it? We were going to get you that for your birthday anyway.' Well, that's me told. A minor incident, but still enough to make me think - should I have chosen a car instead?*

Secondly, there's this whole off to China malarkey. Now, being brought up in the frugal manner my parents had intended, I was OK with getting the indirect flight to Beijing via Doha as - what with all the paperwork scares - it was quite late in the day and the last direct flight for the 16th was around £1000. Now, here I was trying to save my parents a bit of dollar. But no. Why? Why would you travel for almost 2 days? Is there a direct flight? There's a direct flight! Are you mad?! GET. THE. DIRECT. FLIGHT. I. WILL. PAY.

Of course, I'm not the only person who feels this way, hence the nagging comparison. I mean, who am I kidding, I know people who got a parental donation just for graduating, first or no first. Middle class children are no stranger to the occasional 'because-I-thought-you'd-like-it' gift, and best of all getting a 'yes' to what you thought would absolutely be a 'no' (evenif you're not sure why you thought that, and your parents seem completely un-phased). Yes, other middle class children (or rather children of middle class parents) are, too, often met with the paradox of upbringing. When I explained this to my mum, she quite agreed with me. The paradox goes something like this:

As a middle class, working adult, you have striven your entire life so that you could provide for your family, as well as providing them with those little extras that marks one as being 'middle class'.

However, while wanting your child(ren) to be dependent on you during the early stages of their life - when your more than happy to provide them with anything and everything - this is exactly the opposite of what you want them to be in their adult lives. You want them to know the value of things, get a part time job, study hard, finish their education, and generally have good prospects so you won't be looking after them when they're 33.

That being said, when you see your child(ren) about to embark on their adult lives, you can't help but feel a sense of insecurity and panic. How can I just cast them off into the world with nothing? How will they fend for themselves? You've brought them up to be responsible and frugal, but they shouldn't have to be! The world is a cruel place - you know this, you've had to work up yourself. And for what? To give your children everything.

I can't blame you for being confused. There's a very thin - seemingly transparent - line delineating when it's OK to push your child(ren) out of the nest and let them fly alone. Well, not completely alone. You've saved up a bond/trust/shares/ISA for them since you found out you were pregnant in case the worst happened so they would be provided for when they turned twenty-something. But that's besides the point.

They still need help buying their first place, getting plane tickets, where are they going to stay? What are they going to eat? They should -and probably can - save for themselves, but it can't hurt giving them a bit extra just to help them out. After all, you have a second home in *major city*, why don't they just stay there until they can afford their own house? Or even better, live at home until they get married. Why not just buy the place for them? Why did you work so hard in the first place?!

As for me, I'm living with my parents till they kick me out. No one will love me unconditionally ever again - I should take notes so I remember how to bring my children up properly too.

 (*I can't drive)

Holiday #3: Martijana go to Malta

Things have happened - I'm sorry for not writing to you. I know how bereft you must have felt without the constant updates of the banalities of my daily life. Let me enlighten you, please.

But seriously, actual things have happened. I graduated for one - here's a series of proof:

Flatmates with ceremonial bagpiper
That's right, we went to uni in Scotland

Me, Martha and Serrena

Martijana - check out the kilt kids

A small portion of The Chinese Crew

I will have the grand, official photo up as soon as possible.

The ceremony itself went by in a flurry of activity (I'm apparently called Ediyana Obi-...*hrumph*-Guest now), with barely enough time to cheer for each friend before being swatted off the stage with a hat that almost went - *but didn't quite make it* - to space. The day was long, v. tiring though, between preparing, obtaining robes, taking photos, taking official photos, ceremony-ing, more photos, more photos, photos, omg so many photos, and returning robes. Then we had to run off to catch the train at 6pm, after a rushed wine and cheese reception at the Chinese department, because the next day....

...I had a rehearsal for my cousin's wedding, in which I was a bridesmaid! It was a full on Nigerian affair - smack bang in the middle of London, in a very expensive hall with probably too many guests and overall just a little too much. But, I suppose, that's what made it such a glorious day. The weather was superb and at least the bride and groom had a spectacular wedding day. The bridesmaids' dresses were actually quite nice and I'm definitely considering reusing mine for a less grandiose event.

Groom's Family 

Me with cousin + fellow bridesmaid Efe

Mum in full traditional with Colin

Ok, now on to the eponymous holiday. You may be thinking "Holiday #3? Where was 2 (or 1 for that matter, if you're not a regular reader)" Well, for 1, do your research, as for 2 it was the trip I took to Aberdeen to see the land of my lover. Although, I don't think it really deserves it's own post in comparison to the charms (and heat) of Malta.

As we spent almost everyday at the beach or just generally wondering around in the sunshine on the very small islands that make up Malta, there's not actually that much to relate. We stayed in Bugibba in St. Paul's Bay, which seems to be 'British Base Camp 1' in the northwest of Malta. Besides visiting the capital - which is really only a half-day trip - there's not much to do besides chill out. The beaches in the north such as Mellieħa and Golden Bay are rightly famous sandy beaches, with parasols and loungers still affordable.

We also visited the second Island of Gozo, having booked a day bus trip to take us around. Jo - the busdriver - was a complete lad but also a bit of a time Nazi. If we didn't have a specific but obscure time to get back (12:35, TWELVE THIRTY-FIVE) it was 15 minutes, 20 minutes, 35 minutes, 1 hour 10 minutes.
At least it was pretty. Besides Malta and Gozo, there's also the island of Comino, which offers only a secluded swim in the famous blue lagoon and is home to just 5 permanent residents.

Martin is impressively not that burnt, but that may be due to the fact that I spent half my time chasing him around with the factor 30 while he insisted in lounging in the midday sun. He is a little pink, but again I've been attacking him with after sun, so peeling is a minimum. White people.

The food was good - especially the random Bulgarian Some friends may be shocked to learn I ate ice cream and, on more than one occasion, *wait for it*...Pizza. Blame Martin.

Getting Life Together

WHEN NO ONE MENTIONS BRINGING MEAT TO THE PICNIC

Did you know it took me two days to unpack. Two Days. I have way too much stuff. I think it really hit home when, with our two 30kg suitcases, the taxi driver asked me and my mum if we were up for the weekend. Allow it. "Typical Women," he said to Martin. "Steady on love," I thought, secretly agreeing with him.

I am home now - London home. Not for long, it's never for long is it. It's nice being at home - other people do things for you, like cooking. The cleaner came the other day - the cleaner. #PrivilegeCheckingTime. The Edinburgh chapter is officially over. After a final few weeks of jaunts and activities - visiting my lover's family abode in Aberdeen, having our last ever 'The-cool-kids-eat-in-the-library-foyer' Lunch - I've had to come back down to reality and actually ready the emails Kathy's been sending me.

Just a simple spread for 8 - The best part was oh so cheekily
partaking of our 'picnic' in the library cafe

Poor Kathy. I bet she thought I would be so wonderful after I gave her a taste of my bangin' Chinese skills. Kathy's the Chinese lady in charge of my exchange at the school in Chengdu. She seems nice, in a neurotic kinda way. She's sent me email after email asking me pretty much the same questions, over and over again. When will you send me this form? When can you get your medical done by? When are you back from holiday? Are you back from holiday? This is quite urgent! Kathy, love, chill out. It's China - nothing's urgent. Besides, I sent you an email telling you when I'd be back - don't send me another email the day before I said I could answer it!

But I will have to respond at some point. I've decided to keep her on tenterhooks and make that day today, as I had more pressing matters such as going through old clothes and deciding what to keep and what to give away. I also had to re-register at my GP. And get my hair done! It's been a tough two days, Kathy.

She's almost as jumpy as my soon-to-be-colleagues, who are fretting over every possible detail of becoming an English teacher for one year, as if if/when anything goes wrong with this whole escapade it would be their fault. I feel slightly sorry for those who have never had to deal with China before, especially the majority who speak no Chinese. They're actually genuinely surprised when their schools don't get back to them in a timely fashion. Those who I don't feel sorry for are people who come up with lines like "I may try and learn a bit of Cantonese before getting out there!" or "May be a good idea to drink bottled water from what I've heard!" (the exclamation marks are not an exaggeration) and other such gems. My personal favourite is "So, I got this email from xxx, what are the next steps" to which someone replied "It's in the email." Martin summarily groups these people under the 'What is rice?' category. How will they cope? Probably just pick up some Mandarin as they go along, just like I did. Should be a fun year.

No, in all seriousness, I need to get my act together. The people seem like nice, capable and, to be honest, perfectly within their rights to be shitting themselves. There's form signing to be done and meetings to be had and CRBs to be ...examined and pictures to be taken and passports to photocopy (if you remember my previous sojourn, I will need about 45 copies of each). Apparently we may even know when we have to be in the country by next week. I await with breath that is bated. 

WHEN PEOPLE PANIC ABOUT MEETING CHINESE DEADLINES

Look, I managed to get 2 gifs from Sherlock. Great day. Oh and don't worry, there was meat in the end.

Acknowledgements

In anticipation of my getting a 1st (lol jk, literally had no idea) I had prepared a speech. It wasn't long, Oscar length if you will. But considering all those people who have helped and supported me along the 'full-time education' stage of my life, I reckon I've got a few more people to thank than Jennifer Lawrence. So I won't write out the whole thing. Instead, I'm gonna give a shout out to those friends and family (and strangers) deserving more praise and love than I could ever give.

I'd like to thank:

All relatives (blood related or otherwise): especially all those who weren't in the least bit surprised, have been calling me a swot/geek/nerd for years and predicted the outcome of my degree apparently when I went to nursery. You now have permission to act smug.

The Ethnixx (*soon to be Illuminati*): Friends, Confidants, Occasional Lovers and Always Comedians - thank you for spending 10 years of your lives making me who I am.

The friends I made on my year abroad in China: for the encouragements, introductions, mutual coping, (mutual eye-rolling at China). And a special thanks certain someone who told me my Chinese would never be as good as theirs - without that motivation wouldn't be on cloud frickin' 9 right now. Will not mention the name as their ego is already too big for that.

Oh, and all Chinese friends - in fact ANY Chinese person who ever spoke to me EVER. Wherever you are, thank you.

Of course, the Chinese 4 (+ Joint Honours) class. Special thanks to Anitra + Meghan for the camaraderie; Martha for your sweetness; and Emma for keeping me company (and the lols).

Chinese Department Professors: In particular Julian Ward for always thinking I was better than I am and Daniel Hammond for his truthful, direct and sometimes necessarily harsh (but somehow really encouraging) approach.

The Slutton Place Girls - four years of Uni gold.

ALL Flatmates  -  Sally for a year of joy, the Boys for the 2 years of laughter (and many more besides), but most importantly the 'Eternal Flatmates' Sophie and Lucy, who were always by my side, even when we were apart.

A group of people I'm going to refer to here as 'The Boys' (not uni affiliated): Kishan in particular - the rest of you know who you are. For the fun and friendship, for being constant.

Colin, who has never doubted me, but still had the decency to act surprised.

Martin for 'dealing' (literally sometimes). For encouraging me and accepting my encouragement; for loving me and accepting my love.

And the final 2:

Serrena. I don't know how we didn't find each other sooner. Without you I would have been much more bored, understood a lot less, laughed half as much, but, most importantly, I would have struggled alone. I couldn't have done it without you. Thank you.

And finally, saving the best for last. The person who has been with me - literally- from the beginning. Without whom I would not be here today. Or even if I were here today, would not be half as successful without. She "taught me how to fish" (although still catches a couple for me now and again); pushed rather than encouraged; was truthful not placating; told me not to try hard, but harder. The only person in the world who will always love me as much as I love them. The most amazing person I - and many other people - know. Whose parenting skills are now (and have been for some time) the envy of parents across the globe. Who has been, and always will be, by my side. Thank you Mum.

Holiday #1: All Inclusive

WHEN MY WHITE FRIENDS HAVE TO APPLY SUN CREAM EVERY 10 MINUTES

8am: Wake up and head down to the all-inclusive buffet breakfast, placing our towels on some sun loungers as we stroll past the pool

9am: Head out to the pool-side, lying in the early morning sun, waiting for the day to warm up

12pm: After spending the morning lounging by the pool, taking the occasional dip, a discussion starts up as to when we go for lunch

1:30pm: Luuuuuunnncccchhhhhh

Sometime after lunch: Go down to the beach....sea and sun

5pm: Back to the room to rest and get ready for dinner

7pm: Food...so much food

9pm: Back to the pool side to enjoy the complimentary entertainment and free d.r.i.n.k.s

 

The Portu-GALS

Are you jealous yet? You should be, especially if you've still got exams. Just so you know, it was fabulous. Like seriously. The man who invented All-inclusive deserves a medal and eternal happiness.We did nothing for 5 days except lie in the sun, eat, occasionally hydrate (which some people should have done a lot more often) and engage in some light entertainment.

Mama Lu Lucy "Cheese-slice" McMum-Swim

Sophie "Water-Nymph" Sian

Sally "Weeta-nerd" Gascoigne

Steph "Mousse" Kelly

Edi "Did-somone-say-you-look-like-ketchup?!"

 Obiakpani-Guest

Oh! We also went to the Zoomarine. It sounds lame - I thought it was gonna be lame. It wasn't. It was magical. I cried. Genuinely. Anyone going to Albufeira should go. Not that you can actually avoid it as there's a full-sized billboard advertising it every 200 yards. Even our airport transfer driver was a former Zoomarine employee. The messaging was not so subliminal. The dolphins were amazing

 

There's not really much to say (because we didn't actually do much). "Just be what I want you to be: Jeeaaalous. Soooooo jealous" (Carrie Bradshaw). I hope you guys go on holiday soon. I've still got 2 more. Mwhahahahahhaa.

AFTER 5 DAYS OF 4-COURSE BUFFET MEALS

Graduands

WHEN RAHS POP CHAMPAGNE TO CELEBRATE "HOW HARD THEY'VE WORKED"

I may have jumped the gun here, considering that a graduand is someone who's actually 100% "about to graduate or receive a degree," but I think you get the point: EXAMS ARE OVER.

I woke up at 11 yesterday, eleven. Well, actually I woke up at 6:30 (thinking, when do I have to be at the library?), 7, 8, 9, 10:30 and then finally got up at 11. It was great. I have done nothing for three days, I had a real meal - albeit cooked by someone else, but we'll take it - and I've played video games at leisure, as opposed to snuck in between reading over revision booklets.

Unfortunately, life doesn't end at 'nearly graduated'. Having found myself in possession of a job, as well as several holidays and the realisation that I will have to move back to my permanent home at some point, I do, indeed, have things to do. Then there's 'spacial issues' for sharing suitcases (as well as convincing friends that, being of Nigerian blood, I can fit as much stuff into one suitcase as physically possible and more), waxing appointments and even a friend's birthday before we even leave the bloody country.

Of course I'm excited about the Folder Making. What is Folder Making, you ask? Why is it in capitals? Let me tell you. As well as having to collate some 'teaching materials' so as to impart my Western knowledge unto my Eastern students more easily, I've also decided to take up knitting, Japanese, and looking for a permanent job whilst in China. All of these require their own folder. Don't question it, just let it happen.

I've also got to buy an entirely knew wardrobe and real, grown-up makeup in light of the fact that 1. Everything I own is 5 years old or older, 2. I am no longer a student and need material possessions that reflect this fact, 3. Almost everything I own has a hole in it. Good friends of mine will be shocked by this knowledge. It may relieve you to know I will also be buying new video games on this shopping trip.

But for now I'm just chillin'. And it feels really good. 

WHEN I REALISE I STILL HAVE AN ORAL EXAM LEFT TO DO

What does '什么' mean again?

I think it says something about the decline in one's language ability when - upon opening a practice paper - you get stumped by the first 4 characters. In my defence, I haven't really read anything in Chinese or practiced my characters (or been to Chinese class) for a few months. Wait, is that a defence?

I can practically feel your shock through the screen. The title of my degree is, indeed, "Chinese MA Hons", but did you know friends that the actual language portion of my degree counts for only 20 credits out of 120. 20/120. 1/6 (<<<<<maths). At least for this year - I'm not actually sure how much of our degree rests upon our year abroad/ actually being able to speak in Chinese. Anyway, when I get to my oral and they find that I can't remember the word for 'language ability', on their heads it will be. Maybe you should put the oral at the beginning of the year, huh?

Or maybe I should actually make some more effort? I am planning on going back to China....and how I do in this section of the exam diet (occurring oh-so-imminently) will probably affect the rest of my grades too. I think I was kind of assuming that I'm gonna do well in everything else. And you know what they say about assumptions....

So, need to get my sh*t together, in short. How have I only just come to this realisation, you ask? I'm usually a bit more aware of my limited capabilities, and much more willing to do something about it (you know, 笨鸟先飞 and all that), but recently I've been a bit more of a 闲人 (now, although this literally translates as 'idler', I'm gonna take a less literal approach and interpret it as 'wasteman'). Well, again in my defence, I've been concentrating a bit more on my seriously overbearing, often boring, and in some cases far too confusing, content courses.

Those who study Politics and Policy in Contemporary China, can I get an amen?

But no more. With what feels like 48 hours until my whole world comes crashing down, I've decided to re-open the ol' pack of flashcards-I-made-in-China-when-I-was-super-keen-and-apparently-a-lot-smarter-than-I-am-now. Man I've forgotten a lot. Too late? Never. I am determined. Library from 8am everyday from now till forever!!

Now I've just got to add all these extra flashcards from this year, figure out why Structure and Agency are important, and essentially re-learn everything about China and Chinese (not forgetting traditional characters w/ancient meanings for literature :D) by the end of this month. Seems legit.

No death threats necessary

I got a job! Yay! Remember that time I threatened to throw myself out a window if I didn't get British Council - I got British Council. Yay!

What am I going to be doing for them...? Well, something about teaching kiddies English. For a year. In China. Yes, China is a big place but, no, I don't know where I'm going to be placed yet. I had, in a fit of excitement, chosen Sichuan (commonly know as Szechuan or something) as my preferred location. After realising that I may not be placed in my preferred 'environment' (which, coming from London, is obviously 'city or big town') I soon started to feel apprehensive about my choice. Far from the rapidly developing coastal boom-provinces of Fujian and other places near Shanghai, Sichuan is one of the poorest, most densely populated provinces in China. Having taken away Chongqing (one of the most developed parts), the government has left approximately 1 place where anyone not obsessed with being 'that-foreigner-who's-too-cool-to-hang-out-with-other-foreigners' would possibly want to live - and no, it's not the border of Tibet.

I just wanted to see some pandas man.

Sichuan: Famous for spicy food, not being in North China and, of course,
where the pandas are.

"What about the law stuff, Edi?", I hear you cry. Well, that search isn't over. As this contract only lasts for a year and is hardly gonna provide me with enough savings to fund a master's (apostrophe? No apostrophe?), I will have to return to the UK or some equivalently developed native-English speaking country to find a real job.

I'm hoping that this stint in China will allow me to 'find' myself as it were, but productively - I can't stand doing anything unproductive. Hopefully I'll develop some sort of research interest and improve my Chinese, whilst also having something to put on my CV besides 'extensive travel and deep connection fostered with the Far East'. I'll have something like 20 hours a week teaching time, so that'll give me plenty of time to do other stuff, right? Not that my salary will allow for it, but that's a story for another time I suppose.

Previous teachers of Chinese students: your advice and comments are more than welcome!

Ups and Downs

Due to incessant travelling to and from London over the past month, on top of a ridiculous amount of work I've had to do and competitions I've had to take part in, I literally have not had a moment to myself to update. Now that I'm at home for 'Easter' (because that's a thing now) and my parents have actually banned me from doing any work, let me fill you in on March. I'll try and intersperse the good with the not so good.

Despite numerous interviews for all manner of positions, I still don't have a job. I'm still waiting to hear back from British Council - which should be any time at the beginning of April - but as for Law stuff, I think I'm giving up until I've actually achieved this degree thing that people also expect me to do well in. I've decided it's no longer something to despair over - something will come up (surely?) and my friends and family have a disproportionate amount of faith in me, which I'm, again, going to take as a positive sign. If not I'm just gonna quit life and be a model. That's a viable option right?

I came 3rd place in the UK final of an international Chinese speaking competition. Yaaay. I know you guys have been on tenterhooks waiting to find out what the hell this Chinese Bridge competition actually is, so let me break it down for you. It basically involves some awesome uni kids saying a speech for 3 minutes, answering 5 out of a possible 190 questions (again, in Chinese), and having some sort of 'talent'. Because I'm amazing I played the recorder. Minds were blown. It was a good day, if a deal too long and entirely too stressful. At least we got fed good food, unlike some of the 'lunches' provided when I go for interviews...

Me and the Edinburgh ladies at the comp,
 with our teacher Zhu zhu!

This is the piece I played on the recorder - obviously not with guy's ridiculous super-saiyan skill levels, but you get the gist. I also won £100 and a scholarship for 6 months study in China....so...yeah.

My classmate Meghan came in 1st (which is actually 2nd because there's some sort of very confusing 'Grand Prize' thing that only the Chinese could come up with), and if you want any more info about the comp you can visit the web page here.

I got a 1st in my Dissertation, yay. For those of you who aren't aware what it's about, the title is "What does the Wukan Incident tell us about the prospects for democratisation in China?"... which still doesn't make it 100% clear what it was about, but that's not important. What is important is that I got a 1st, which means that there's obviously this expectation that I'm going to get a 1st overall. Well, we shall see.

I also attended the Ballroom Dancing Ball which, as loyal flatmates, Sophie and I have attended every year to give Lucy support, despite our severe lack of Ballrooming skills. Beautiful food, beautiful dresses, beautiful dancing - that's all that can be said really. It was a good excuse to get out of the house and not think about work for at least one evening.

If you're wondering why this is a meta-photo, the photographer
was slightly overzealous and was taking surreptitious photos
of unsuspecting ladies all night.

That's all really. I'm not really doing anything besides work atm. My friends and I have booked a holiday to Albufeira (Portuagal) for the end of May, but I can't really think about that till I've got these 500 exams on a country I know nothing about in a language I don't quite comprehend out of the way. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some covert character learning to do...

First World Problems

Ergh, my life is so stressful right now.

After the 'stress' of having to get my dissertation done and handed in, which only happened like 3 days ago, I've now got a whole new set of problems to deal with. So, I've been forced to take part in the  internationally recognised, way-too-much-of-a-big-deal-for-the-Chinese-speaking-community Chinese Bridge competition against my will. Forced is a bit strong I grant you, but I think this situation warrants at least some recognition of my coercion. What is this competition, you ask? Well, they'll be a separate, much more riveting, post with the full details later, but needless to say between the daily practices at random times of the morning/evening, it's taking up way to much of my time. Time that could be spent in the library.

Good thing I can cancel one of those meetings though, as I've got a job interview on Thursday. "Great!" I hear you say. "no." I reply. They only told me today, which means that train tickets are gonna be however many thousands of pounds, plus i know next to nothing about the company, so the time i could have spent researching (or doing other work) is now taken up with 'panic!' time.***

Even better, I'll be coming to London AGAIN for another 5, lemme say that again, 5 days from the 15th because, hip hip hurray, the Chinese competition's on the 16th....and then I have yet another interview on the 19th. Because things only happen in London. I live in Edinburgh. thank God I've got family there otherwise I'd just sack it all off.

I've also got a presentation next week, plus two essays due in some time this month, so, in short:

So, if you'll excuse me, I've got speeches to learn, presentations to write, plans to cancel and trains to book. My mum was not sympathetic.

*Quick amendment - I've just seen that this interview start at 8:30 as well!!! What is happening!!

Mo' applications mo' problems

Next week is Innovative Learning Week (regularly shortened to 'ILW' by the university without any reference as if we're supposed to know what that means). It's basically a week off school with a few optional events, and I thought I was gonna have a great time. I had planned one or two talk-event-thingies about writing academic essays and learning and all my other favourite hobbies, and squeezed in a few volunteering sessions in between my sleep schedule.  Obviously I had forgotten that I had applied to 1 million and 1 jobs (see literally my last post for more info) and that they were going to get back to me. Well, I knew they were gonna get back to me, but I thought it would be eventually, you know?

On the plus side I got an interview - yay! It's...not for my first choice, but the phrase "I'm not sure if I want this job so I might not go to the interview" is just too much of a first world problem for me to comprehend, so imma take it. It's to become an english language teacher for a year in China on behalf of the British Council (how wonderful), providing me with the opportunity to brush up on my awesome Mandarin skillz (deliberate 'z') and explore further opportunities. As I'm changing my mind about what I want to do every single day, if I do end up with this job I will use this as  a chance to start a project/find a research assistant-ship in China. Random, I know, but I'm 21, I dont have a plan! (I have several.)

So that's on Wednesday next week.

On Friday next week I have an Open Day event with a law firm. Eh, what? I believe I applied for a training contract, why do you want to meet me first? You mean I have to dress nice and make an effort and possibly even sort out the 'winter hair'  I'm currently rockin' just to make an impression? I'll do it. I'm, literally, petrified of not getting a job out of uni - and I thought I was one of those people who didn't bow to peer pressure. So anyway, I'll be in London next week Thursday to Saturday if anyone wants to meet up Friday afternoon/ breakfast on Saturday. Brills.

Also, sorry about the delay in Lake District news/photos. I did have a wonderful time getting drunk and taking country walks, but I, unfortunately, was not in charge of the camera. I know some of you are dying to see a proper picture of Martin where he's not in fancy dress/wearing a stupid hat/wearing a fake moustache, so I shall request and post asap.

In your own time

I really hate the anxious, heart-wrenching anticipation of waiting to hear back about really important, potentially life-changing things. OK, it's not like I just had a tumor scanned or am waiting to hear back about my HIV results (negative - took it before China), but the more mundane - but arguably equally important - waiting game. Having just applied for about 1 billion vacation schemes with deadlines of, oh wait, today, I would rather they either got back to me immediately, or not at all. I know the majority will be rejections, but after an hour and a half an application form turns into your beloved child and you find that you're convincing yourself, as well as the firm, that you actually want to work for them. 

I've also applied for an academic competition where I had to write an essay about something or the other. Deadline: tomorrow. Outcome: uncertain. When will they get back to me? We can only speculate. I would appreciate it if they would get back to me immediately if I've lost though - if you don't like me, tell me upfront. Don't wait for a week and a day just to be 'sorry to inform me that I was unsuccessful due to the large number of applicants, and on this occasion be unable to provide specific feedback but hope that this result does not deter you from living the rest of your life as opposed to throwing yourself rather dramatically from the first floor window of your rented accommodation'. I hate this. 

Generally speaking, however I also hate waiting for: exam results, essays, 'group work' feedback, presentation feedback, what-christmas-present-did-i-get-oh-i-see-it-wasn't-my-first-choice-but-that's-still-ok, general feedback, email responses, buses, and many, many more.

And the thing is I can't even delete an application when it's done -  not only
will I need it for reference when I "get an interview" (lol), but also they really
help when filling in other forms...

And so, in response to this feeling of not wanting to hang around for the weekend only to count my rejection emails on Monday, I've decided to run away to the Lake District instead. I've heard there's no internet. Perfect. Don't worry, I'm taking my dissertation with me. Joy.

Await photos.
Xx

Things I should never become

I don't think I'd make a very good film critic. I know it's a subjective profession, but at the end of the day there's still a certain amount of professionalism that one has to have, and I am just way too emotional when it comes to cinema.

How have I come to this realisation, you ask. True, I had never before expressed a wish to become any type of film-blogging crusader - working my way up through dingy student news papers, editing IMDB for kicks and berating those of lesser opinion on twitter and whatever forums film-ies troll on to eventually write for the Guardian's film review - but it's good to rule these things out before the mid-life crisis strikes.

The thought struck me after having watched two highly anticipated films in cinema in quick succession. The first of these was Les Mis. Now, I would never be able to come up with something a 'summary' and apt like "Majestic" or "Does the trick", instead I would probably ramble on for 6 tear stained pages, throwing around spoilers and sprinkling puns worthy only of the Daily Mash. As you may know by now, reviews of Les Mis are very mixed. Half the people I know loved it, the other half...did not. You've probably guessed which side I belong to.

An age-old fan of the classic musical, I thought Les Mis was 'brills', ironic as I was the most pessimistic about it (I still think that handsome, manly actors shouldn't sing unless threatened at gunpoint). I thought it would be too Hollywood and shiny, but in truth I cried throughout most of it, hence the tear-stained pages. Objective, I would not be. Probably something closer to 'OMG it was amaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing!!!!'

Fun fact: my boyfriend and I are so cool that , the day after we saw said film,
we proceeded to sing the songs (in harmony) while he played the piano.
Imagine all the emotions from the above photo. But with more intensity.

However, had I been charged with writing a review of The Impossible, things would not have gone so well. Not for the publishers anyway. Baring in mind I had my eyes closed for about half the film (rendering any verdict incomplete, let alone invalid), my verdict would have to be:

"I AM TRAUMATISED. I AM TRAUMATISED AND I WILL NEVER RECOVER. DO NOT WATCH THIS FILM."

I was in physical pain after watching that film. Pain. I had to force my flatmates to hug me afterwards.

So yeah, not a backup option when it comes to jobs then. Considering the fact that you couldn't get me in the cinema to watch a "rom-com" if you paid me, it probably wouldn't have worked out anyway.

2/4

So far I've made 4 job applications and received 2 rejections. I always expected reality to hit a little harder - not with the Civil Service one, no one really aspires to work for the Civil Service, or maybe that's just coming from the child of two long-serving veterans - but I put a lot of effort in to every law application I make, so I was expecting it to, well, hurt a little when I didn't even get to the online test stage.

If I'm honest though I feel nothing. Maybe it's the faceless, extremely impersonal, generic email they send you politely informing you they won't be needing your services; maybe it's my natural sheer determination in the face of adverse circumstances; maybe I just didn't really want to work for Linklaters (even though I went through the effort of making a contact and everything!); maybe I'm just too overwhelmed with everything else to even care. The point is, whether or not I want it to, it's not getting me down.

On that positive note, I took the initiative every young and still hopeful person not wanting to live in their parents house for the rest of their lives should take and called the HR department to be like "dafuq man? I'm the HNIC, how could you reject me?!" They didn't pick up. Well never mind, because I called up another firm that hadn't responded to me in a while (I get anxious about these sorts of things) and they sent me this in reply:

I just wanted to confirm that we have received your tests scores and you have passed all 3 tests, your application is now under review and we will be in touch over the next few weeks with an outcome.

Yay. Only a few more weeks to wait.  I'm still waiting for any sort of response from another firm I applied to, but this is certainly not the end of the road. I'm planning on doing yet another law application today and have contacted a friend to give me some tips about applying for company X (oohhh how mysterious). Joy.

Considering what I know of the real world, 2/4 ain't bad really. But I haven't actually been accepted by the other two positions - they're still pending - so, considering the current trend, it's probably time I started re-thinking that 'running away to China' plan...

Yet I still found time to paint my nails...

Look, I've got sh*t to do man, I haven't got time for it to be multiplying itself into - for want of a better phrase - mini-sh*ts that I have to deal with before, after and during all the big stuff. So why extra thing keep popping up from the corners of God knows where is beyond me. Don't they have other people who can take care of them or, even better, can't they just take care of themselves? I write this as I start trying to plan a holiday I offered to organise for a friend, which is turning out to be slightly more logistical than at first glance. It's requiring more of my time and attention than I had allocated for the day, and this is making me tetchy.

As if I didn't already have enough writing to do, I've decided to enter some writing competitions that my university is holding. At some point during the past four years - possibly during my year abroad - I got it into my head that I'm a fantastic writer, and, accordingly, everyone should get the opportunity to see how fantastic I am. One of them is a short story but the other is an academic essay of around 4000 words. Yes, I'm voluntarily doing an academic essay. And what.

It's not just things that I need to do though (because I know you're thinking "didn't she just say that she chose to do 2 extra essays on top of her own dissertation that she's given herself a really stupid deadline for?" So shut up) but it's little hassles that pop in your face. This person wants to do this; this person wants to go there; this person's got an issue; this person still hasn't had their birthday present exchanged from last year, which has now been whipped back up into the frenzied, unnecessarily emotional sorting-out nonsense - which will probably last until their birthday this year - that people say they won't get involved in, but then get involved in outside of group discussion times making matters even less coordinated and more emotional; this firm's got an open day/training contract; hey, Edi, have you heard of X company? I think you'd suit them perfectly; Edi, you haven't written a blog post in a while, what's up with that?

Life's up with that B*tch. Deal with it. Sorry, I didn't mean to swear at you, and no, it's not because I'm on my period. It's probably mainly because I don't have a lot to write about at the moment because I'm too busy trying to sort all of this stuff out and I don't have my timetable for next semester yet so I can't make a detailed lesson/'free-time'/library timetable and till I can do that I can only focus on what I have in front of me, each item of which is distracting me from the other because I don't know whether to focus on degree, job hunt (and that's a whole other kettle of fish there depending on whether I decide to throw all my efforts into law or divide between law and non-law, and how long should I spend practising the assessment tests) or extra stuff more because until I get my essays from next semester back I don't know whether I'm aiming for a 1st or a 2:1.

That is all. Oh, that and b*tches be crazy.