Getting Life Together

WHEN NO ONE MENTIONS BRINGING MEAT TO THE PICNIC

Did you know it took me two days to unpack. Two Days. I have way too much stuff. I think it really hit home when, with our two 30kg suitcases, the taxi driver asked me and my mum if we were up for the weekend. Allow it. "Typical Women," he said to Martin. "Steady on love," I thought, secretly agreeing with him.

I am home now - London home. Not for long, it's never for long is it. It's nice being at home - other people do things for you, like cooking. The cleaner came the other day - the cleaner. #PrivilegeCheckingTime. The Edinburgh chapter is officially over. After a final few weeks of jaunts and activities - visiting my lover's family abode in Aberdeen, having our last ever 'The-cool-kids-eat-in-the-library-foyer' Lunch - I've had to come back down to reality and actually ready the emails Kathy's been sending me.

Just a simple spread for 8 - The best part was oh so cheekily
partaking of our 'picnic' in the library cafe

Poor Kathy. I bet she thought I would be so wonderful after I gave her a taste of my bangin' Chinese skills. Kathy's the Chinese lady in charge of my exchange at the school in Chengdu. She seems nice, in a neurotic kinda way. She's sent me email after email asking me pretty much the same questions, over and over again. When will you send me this form? When can you get your medical done by? When are you back from holiday? Are you back from holiday? This is quite urgent! Kathy, love, chill out. It's China - nothing's urgent. Besides, I sent you an email telling you when I'd be back - don't send me another email the day before I said I could answer it!

But I will have to respond at some point. I've decided to keep her on tenterhooks and make that day today, as I had more pressing matters such as going through old clothes and deciding what to keep and what to give away. I also had to re-register at my GP. And get my hair done! It's been a tough two days, Kathy.

She's almost as jumpy as my soon-to-be-colleagues, who are fretting over every possible detail of becoming an English teacher for one year, as if if/when anything goes wrong with this whole escapade it would be their fault. I feel slightly sorry for those who have never had to deal with China before, especially the majority who speak no Chinese. They're actually genuinely surprised when their schools don't get back to them in a timely fashion. Those who I don't feel sorry for are people who come up with lines like "I may try and learn a bit of Cantonese before getting out there!" or "May be a good idea to drink bottled water from what I've heard!" (the exclamation marks are not an exaggeration) and other such gems. My personal favourite is "So, I got this email from xxx, what are the next steps" to which someone replied "It's in the email." Martin summarily groups these people under the 'What is rice?' category. How will they cope? Probably just pick up some Mandarin as they go along, just like I did. Should be a fun year.

No, in all seriousness, I need to get my act together. The people seem like nice, capable and, to be honest, perfectly within their rights to be shitting themselves. There's form signing to be done and meetings to be had and CRBs to be ...examined and pictures to be taken and passports to photocopy (if you remember my previous sojourn, I will need about 45 copies of each). Apparently we may even know when we have to be in the country by next week. I await with breath that is bated. 

WHEN PEOPLE PANIC ABOUT MEETING CHINESE DEADLINES

Look, I managed to get 2 gifs from Sherlock. Great day. Oh and don't worry, there was meat in the end.