Things I should never become

I don't think I'd make a very good film critic. I know it's a subjective profession, but at the end of the day there's still a certain amount of professionalism that one has to have, and I am just way too emotional when it comes to cinema.

How have I come to this realisation, you ask. True, I had never before expressed a wish to become any type of film-blogging crusader - working my way up through dingy student news papers, editing IMDB for kicks and berating those of lesser opinion on twitter and whatever forums film-ies troll on to eventually write for the Guardian's film review - but it's good to rule these things out before the mid-life crisis strikes.

The thought struck me after having watched two highly anticipated films in cinema in quick succession. The first of these was Les Mis. Now, I would never be able to come up with something a 'summary' and apt like "Majestic" or "Does the trick", instead I would probably ramble on for 6 tear stained pages, throwing around spoilers and sprinkling puns worthy only of the Daily Mash. As you may know by now, reviews of Les Mis are very mixed. Half the people I know loved it, the other half...did not. You've probably guessed which side I belong to.

An age-old fan of the classic musical, I thought Les Mis was 'brills', ironic as I was the most pessimistic about it (I still think that handsome, manly actors shouldn't sing unless threatened at gunpoint). I thought it would be too Hollywood and shiny, but in truth I cried throughout most of it, hence the tear-stained pages. Objective, I would not be. Probably something closer to 'OMG it was amaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing!!!!'

Fun fact: my boyfriend and I are so cool that , the day after we saw said film,
we proceeded to sing the songs (in harmony) while he played the piano.
Imagine all the emotions from the above photo. But with more intensity.

However, had I been charged with writing a review of The Impossible, things would not have gone so well. Not for the publishers anyway. Baring in mind I had my eyes closed for about half the film (rendering any verdict incomplete, let alone invalid), my verdict would have to be:

"I AM TRAUMATISED. I AM TRAUMATISED AND I WILL NEVER RECOVER. DO NOT WATCH THIS FILM."

I was in physical pain after watching that film. Pain. I had to force my flatmates to hug me afterwards.

So yeah, not a backup option when it comes to jobs then. Considering the fact that you couldn't get me in the cinema to watch a "rom-com" if you paid me, it probably wouldn't have worked out anyway.