Getting Life Together

WHEN NO ONE MENTIONS BRINGING MEAT TO THE PICNIC

Did you know it took me two days to unpack. Two Days. I have way too much stuff. I think it really hit home when, with our two 30kg suitcases, the taxi driver asked me and my mum if we were up for the weekend. Allow it. "Typical Women," he said to Martin. "Steady on love," I thought, secretly agreeing with him.

I am home now - London home. Not for long, it's never for long is it. It's nice being at home - other people do things for you, like cooking. The cleaner came the other day - the cleaner. #PrivilegeCheckingTime. The Edinburgh chapter is officially over. After a final few weeks of jaunts and activities - visiting my lover's family abode in Aberdeen, having our last ever 'The-cool-kids-eat-in-the-library-foyer' Lunch - I've had to come back down to reality and actually ready the emails Kathy's been sending me.

Just a simple spread for 8 - The best part was oh so cheekily
partaking of our 'picnic' in the library cafe

Poor Kathy. I bet she thought I would be so wonderful after I gave her a taste of my bangin' Chinese skills. Kathy's the Chinese lady in charge of my exchange at the school in Chengdu. She seems nice, in a neurotic kinda way. She's sent me email after email asking me pretty much the same questions, over and over again. When will you send me this form? When can you get your medical done by? When are you back from holiday? Are you back from holiday? This is quite urgent! Kathy, love, chill out. It's China - nothing's urgent. Besides, I sent you an email telling you when I'd be back - don't send me another email the day before I said I could answer it!

But I will have to respond at some point. I've decided to keep her on tenterhooks and make that day today, as I had more pressing matters such as going through old clothes and deciding what to keep and what to give away. I also had to re-register at my GP. And get my hair done! It's been a tough two days, Kathy.

She's almost as jumpy as my soon-to-be-colleagues, who are fretting over every possible detail of becoming an English teacher for one year, as if if/when anything goes wrong with this whole escapade it would be their fault. I feel slightly sorry for those who have never had to deal with China before, especially the majority who speak no Chinese. They're actually genuinely surprised when their schools don't get back to them in a timely fashion. Those who I don't feel sorry for are people who come up with lines like "I may try and learn a bit of Cantonese before getting out there!" or "May be a good idea to drink bottled water from what I've heard!" (the exclamation marks are not an exaggeration) and other such gems. My personal favourite is "So, I got this email from xxx, what are the next steps" to which someone replied "It's in the email." Martin summarily groups these people under the 'What is rice?' category. How will they cope? Probably just pick up some Mandarin as they go along, just like I did. Should be a fun year.

No, in all seriousness, I need to get my act together. The people seem like nice, capable and, to be honest, perfectly within their rights to be shitting themselves. There's form signing to be done and meetings to be had and CRBs to be ...examined and pictures to be taken and passports to photocopy (if you remember my previous sojourn, I will need about 45 copies of each). Apparently we may even know when we have to be in the country by next week. I await with breath that is bated. 

WHEN PEOPLE PANIC ABOUT MEETING CHINESE DEADLINES

Look, I managed to get 2 gifs from Sherlock. Great day. Oh and don't worry, there was meat in the end.

Acknowledgements

In anticipation of my getting a 1st (lol jk, literally had no idea) I had prepared a speech. It wasn't long, Oscar length if you will. But considering all those people who have helped and supported me along the 'full-time education' stage of my life, I reckon I've got a few more people to thank than Jennifer Lawrence. So I won't write out the whole thing. Instead, I'm gonna give a shout out to those friends and family (and strangers) deserving more praise and love than I could ever give.

I'd like to thank:

All relatives (blood related or otherwise): especially all those who weren't in the least bit surprised, have been calling me a swot/geek/nerd for years and predicted the outcome of my degree apparently when I went to nursery. You now have permission to act smug.

The Ethnixx (*soon to be Illuminati*): Friends, Confidants, Occasional Lovers and Always Comedians - thank you for spending 10 years of your lives making me who I am.

The friends I made on my year abroad in China: for the encouragements, introductions, mutual coping, (mutual eye-rolling at China). And a special thanks certain someone who told me my Chinese would never be as good as theirs - without that motivation wouldn't be on cloud frickin' 9 right now. Will not mention the name as their ego is already too big for that.

Oh, and all Chinese friends - in fact ANY Chinese person who ever spoke to me EVER. Wherever you are, thank you.

Of course, the Chinese 4 (+ Joint Honours) class. Special thanks to Anitra + Meghan for the camaraderie; Martha for your sweetness; and Emma for keeping me company (and the lols).

Chinese Department Professors: In particular Julian Ward for always thinking I was better than I am and Daniel Hammond for his truthful, direct and sometimes necessarily harsh (but somehow really encouraging) approach.

The Slutton Place Girls - four years of Uni gold.

ALL Flatmates  -  Sally for a year of joy, the Boys for the 2 years of laughter (and many more besides), but most importantly the 'Eternal Flatmates' Sophie and Lucy, who were always by my side, even when we were apart.

A group of people I'm going to refer to here as 'The Boys' (not uni affiliated): Kishan in particular - the rest of you know who you are. For the fun and friendship, for being constant.

Colin, who has never doubted me, but still had the decency to act surprised.

Martin for 'dealing' (literally sometimes). For encouraging me and accepting my encouragement; for loving me and accepting my love.

And the final 2:

Serrena. I don't know how we didn't find each other sooner. Without you I would have been much more bored, understood a lot less, laughed half as much, but, most importantly, I would have struggled alone. I couldn't have done it without you. Thank you.

And finally, saving the best for last. The person who has been with me - literally- from the beginning. Without whom I would not be here today. Or even if I were here today, would not be half as successful without. She "taught me how to fish" (although still catches a couple for me now and again); pushed rather than encouraged; was truthful not placating; told me not to try hard, but harder. The only person in the world who will always love me as much as I love them. The most amazing person I - and many other people - know. Whose parenting skills are now (and have been for some time) the envy of parents across the globe. Who has been, and always will be, by my side. Thank you Mum.

Holiday #1: All Inclusive

WHEN MY WHITE FRIENDS HAVE TO APPLY SUN CREAM EVERY 10 MINUTES

8am: Wake up and head down to the all-inclusive buffet breakfast, placing our towels on some sun loungers as we stroll past the pool

9am: Head out to the pool-side, lying in the early morning sun, waiting for the day to warm up

12pm: After spending the morning lounging by the pool, taking the occasional dip, a discussion starts up as to when we go for lunch

1:30pm: Luuuuuunnncccchhhhhh

Sometime after lunch: Go down to the beach....sea and sun

5pm: Back to the room to rest and get ready for dinner

7pm: Food...so much food

9pm: Back to the pool side to enjoy the complimentary entertainment and free d.r.i.n.k.s

 

The Portu-GALS

Are you jealous yet? You should be, especially if you've still got exams. Just so you know, it was fabulous. Like seriously. The man who invented All-inclusive deserves a medal and eternal happiness.We did nothing for 5 days except lie in the sun, eat, occasionally hydrate (which some people should have done a lot more often) and engage in some light entertainment.

Mama Lu Lucy "Cheese-slice" McMum-Swim

Sophie "Water-Nymph" Sian

Sally "Weeta-nerd" Gascoigne

Steph "Mousse" Kelly

Edi "Did-somone-say-you-look-like-ketchup?!"

 Obiakpani-Guest

Oh! We also went to the Zoomarine. It sounds lame - I thought it was gonna be lame. It wasn't. It was magical. I cried. Genuinely. Anyone going to Albufeira should go. Not that you can actually avoid it as there's a full-sized billboard advertising it every 200 yards. Even our airport transfer driver was a former Zoomarine employee. The messaging was not so subliminal. The dolphins were amazing

 

There's not really much to say (because we didn't actually do much). "Just be what I want you to be: Jeeaaalous. Soooooo jealous" (Carrie Bradshaw). I hope you guys go on holiday soon. I've still got 2 more. Mwhahahahahhaa.

AFTER 5 DAYS OF 4-COURSE BUFFET MEALS