Holiday #1: All Inclusive

WHEN MY WHITE FRIENDS HAVE TO APPLY SUN CREAM EVERY 10 MINUTES

8am: Wake up and head down to the all-inclusive buffet breakfast, placing our towels on some sun loungers as we stroll past the pool

9am: Head out to the pool-side, lying in the early morning sun, waiting for the day to warm up

12pm: After spending the morning lounging by the pool, taking the occasional dip, a discussion starts up as to when we go for lunch

1:30pm: Luuuuuunnncccchhhhhh

Sometime after lunch: Go down to the beach....sea and sun

5pm: Back to the room to rest and get ready for dinner

7pm: Food...so much food

9pm: Back to the pool side to enjoy the complimentary entertainment and free d.r.i.n.k.s

 

The Portu-GALS

Are you jealous yet? You should be, especially if you've still got exams. Just so you know, it was fabulous. Like seriously. The man who invented All-inclusive deserves a medal and eternal happiness.We did nothing for 5 days except lie in the sun, eat, occasionally hydrate (which some people should have done a lot more often) and engage in some light entertainment.

Mama Lu Lucy "Cheese-slice" McMum-Swim

Sophie "Water-Nymph" Sian

Sally "Weeta-nerd" Gascoigne

Steph "Mousse" Kelly

Edi "Did-somone-say-you-look-like-ketchup?!"

 Obiakpani-Guest

Oh! We also went to the Zoomarine. It sounds lame - I thought it was gonna be lame. It wasn't. It was magical. I cried. Genuinely. Anyone going to Albufeira should go. Not that you can actually avoid it as there's a full-sized billboard advertising it every 200 yards. Even our airport transfer driver was a former Zoomarine employee. The messaging was not so subliminal. The dolphins were amazing

 

There's not really much to say (because we didn't actually do much). "Just be what I want you to be: Jeeaaalous. Soooooo jealous" (Carrie Bradshaw). I hope you guys go on holiday soon. I've still got 2 more. Mwhahahahahhaa.

AFTER 5 DAYS OF 4-COURSE BUFFET MEALS