There have been two recent occurrences that have led me to consider this question. Firstly, when I told my parents that I didn't really felt like I deserved a prize for getting a first, they bullied me into picking something. When I had decided on the new Wii U they responded with something along the lines of 'Well, that's not very exciting is it? We were going to get you that for your birthday anyway.' Well, that's me told. A minor incident, but still enough to make me think - should I have chosen a car instead?*
Secondly, there's this whole off to China malarkey. Now, being brought up in the frugal manner my parents had intended, I was OK with getting the indirect flight to Beijing via Doha as - what with all the paperwork scares - it was quite late in the day and the last direct flight for the 16th was around £1000. Now, here I was trying to save my parents a bit of dollar. But no. Why? Why would you travel for almost 2 days? Is there a direct flight? There's a direct flight! Are you mad?! GET. THE. DIRECT. FLIGHT. I. WILL. PAY.
Of course, I'm not the only person who feels this way, hence the nagging comparison. I mean, who am I kidding, I know people who got a parental donation just for graduating, first or no first. Middle class children are no stranger to the occasional 'because-I-thought-you'd-like-it' gift, and best of all getting a 'yes' to what you thought would absolutely be a 'no' (evenif you're not sure why you thought that, and your parents seem completely un-phased). Yes, other middle class children (or rather children of middle class parents) are, too, often met with the paradox of upbringing. When I explained this to my mum, she quite agreed with me. The paradox goes something like this:
As a middle class, working adult, you have striven your entire life so that you could provide for your family, as well as providing them with those little extras that marks one as being 'middle class'.
However, while wanting your child(ren) to be dependent on you during the early stages of their life - when your more than happy to provide them with anything and everything - this is exactly the opposite of what you want them to be in their adult lives. You want them to know the value of things, get a part time job, study hard, finish their education, and generally have good prospects so you won't be looking after them when they're 33.
That being said, when you see your child(ren) about to embark on their adult lives, you can't help but feel a sense of insecurity and panic. How can I just cast them off into the world with nothing? How will they fend for themselves? You've brought them up to be responsible and frugal, but they shouldn't have to be! The world is a cruel place - you know this, you've had to work up yourself. And for what? To give your children everything.I can't blame you for being confused. There's a very thin - seemingly transparent - line delineating when it's OK to push your child(ren) out of the nest and let them fly alone. Well, not completely alone. You've saved up a bond/trust/shares/ISA for them since you found out you were pregnant in case the worst happened so they would be provided for when they turned twenty-something. But that's besides the point.
They still need help buying their first place, getting plane tickets, where are they going to stay? What are they going to eat? They should -and probably can - save for themselves, but it can't hurt giving them a bit extra just to help them out. After all, you have a second home in *major city*, why don't they just stay there until they can afford their own house? Or even better, live at home until they get married. Why not just buy the place for them? Why did you work so hard in the first place?!
As for me, I'm living with my parents till they kick me out. No one will love me unconditionally ever again - I should take notes so I remember how to bring my children up properly too.
(*I can't drive)
No comments:
Post a Comment