In your own time

I really hate the anxious, heart-wrenching anticipation of waiting to hear back about really important, potentially life-changing things. OK, it's not like I just had a tumor scanned or am waiting to hear back about my HIV results (negative - took it before China), but the more mundane - but arguably equally important - waiting game. Having just applied for about 1 billion vacation schemes with deadlines of, oh wait, today, I would rather they either got back to me immediately, or not at all. I know the majority will be rejections, but after an hour and a half an application form turns into your beloved child and you find that you're convincing yourself, as well as the firm, that you actually want to work for them. 

I've also applied for an academic competition where I had to write an essay about something or the other. Deadline: tomorrow. Outcome: uncertain. When will they get back to me? We can only speculate. I would appreciate it if they would get back to me immediately if I've lost though - if you don't like me, tell me upfront. Don't wait for a week and a day just to be 'sorry to inform me that I was unsuccessful due to the large number of applicants, and on this occasion be unable to provide specific feedback but hope that this result does not deter you from living the rest of your life as opposed to throwing yourself rather dramatically from the first floor window of your rented accommodation'. I hate this. 

Generally speaking, however I also hate waiting for: exam results, essays, 'group work' feedback, presentation feedback, what-christmas-present-did-i-get-oh-i-see-it-wasn't-my-first-choice-but-that's-still-ok, general feedback, email responses, buses, and many, many more.

And the thing is I can't even delete an application when it's done -  not only
will I need it for reference when I "get an interview" (lol), but also they really
help when filling in other forms...

And so, in response to this feeling of not wanting to hang around for the weekend only to count my rejection emails on Monday, I've decided to run away to the Lake District instead. I've heard there's no internet. Perfect. Don't worry, I'm taking my dissertation with me. Joy.

Await photos.
Xx

Things I should never become

I don't think I'd make a very good film critic. I know it's a subjective profession, but at the end of the day there's still a certain amount of professionalism that one has to have, and I am just way too emotional when it comes to cinema.

How have I come to this realisation, you ask. True, I had never before expressed a wish to become any type of film-blogging crusader - working my way up through dingy student news papers, editing IMDB for kicks and berating those of lesser opinion on twitter and whatever forums film-ies troll on to eventually write for the Guardian's film review - but it's good to rule these things out before the mid-life crisis strikes.

The thought struck me after having watched two highly anticipated films in cinema in quick succession. The first of these was Les Mis. Now, I would never be able to come up with something a 'summary' and apt like "Majestic" or "Does the trick", instead I would probably ramble on for 6 tear stained pages, throwing around spoilers and sprinkling puns worthy only of the Daily Mash. As you may know by now, reviews of Les Mis are very mixed. Half the people I know loved it, the other half...did not. You've probably guessed which side I belong to.

An age-old fan of the classic musical, I thought Les Mis was 'brills', ironic as I was the most pessimistic about it (I still think that handsome, manly actors shouldn't sing unless threatened at gunpoint). I thought it would be too Hollywood and shiny, but in truth I cried throughout most of it, hence the tear-stained pages. Objective, I would not be. Probably something closer to 'OMG it was amaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing!!!!'

Fun fact: my boyfriend and I are so cool that , the day after we saw said film,
we proceeded to sing the songs (in harmony) while he played the piano.
Imagine all the emotions from the above photo. But with more intensity.

However, had I been charged with writing a review of The Impossible, things would not have gone so well. Not for the publishers anyway. Baring in mind I had my eyes closed for about half the film (rendering any verdict incomplete, let alone invalid), my verdict would have to be:

"I AM TRAUMATISED. I AM TRAUMATISED AND I WILL NEVER RECOVER. DO NOT WATCH THIS FILM."

I was in physical pain after watching that film. Pain. I had to force my flatmates to hug me afterwards.

So yeah, not a backup option when it comes to jobs then. Considering the fact that you couldn't get me in the cinema to watch a "rom-com" if you paid me, it probably wouldn't have worked out anyway.

2/4

So far I've made 4 job applications and received 2 rejections. I always expected reality to hit a little harder - not with the Civil Service one, no one really aspires to work for the Civil Service, or maybe that's just coming from the child of two long-serving veterans - but I put a lot of effort in to every law application I make, so I was expecting it to, well, hurt a little when I didn't even get to the online test stage.

If I'm honest though I feel nothing. Maybe it's the faceless, extremely impersonal, generic email they send you politely informing you they won't be needing your services; maybe it's my natural sheer determination in the face of adverse circumstances; maybe I just didn't really want to work for Linklaters (even though I went through the effort of making a contact and everything!); maybe I'm just too overwhelmed with everything else to even care. The point is, whether or not I want it to, it's not getting me down.

On that positive note, I took the initiative every young and still hopeful person not wanting to live in their parents house for the rest of their lives should take and called the HR department to be like "dafuq man? I'm the HNIC, how could you reject me?!" They didn't pick up. Well never mind, because I called up another firm that hadn't responded to me in a while (I get anxious about these sorts of things) and they sent me this in reply:

I just wanted to confirm that we have received your tests scores and you have passed all 3 tests, your application is now under review and we will be in touch over the next few weeks with an outcome.

Yay. Only a few more weeks to wait.  I'm still waiting for any sort of response from another firm I applied to, but this is certainly not the end of the road. I'm planning on doing yet another law application today and have contacted a friend to give me some tips about applying for company X (oohhh how mysterious). Joy.

Considering what I know of the real world, 2/4 ain't bad really. But I haven't actually been accepted by the other two positions - they're still pending - so, considering the current trend, it's probably time I started re-thinking that 'running away to China' plan...

Yet I still found time to paint my nails...

Look, I've got sh*t to do man, I haven't got time for it to be multiplying itself into - for want of a better phrase - mini-sh*ts that I have to deal with before, after and during all the big stuff. So why extra thing keep popping up from the corners of God knows where is beyond me. Don't they have other people who can take care of them or, even better, can't they just take care of themselves? I write this as I start trying to plan a holiday I offered to organise for a friend, which is turning out to be slightly more logistical than at first glance. It's requiring more of my time and attention than I had allocated for the day, and this is making me tetchy.

As if I didn't already have enough writing to do, I've decided to enter some writing competitions that my university is holding. At some point during the past four years - possibly during my year abroad - I got it into my head that I'm a fantastic writer, and, accordingly, everyone should get the opportunity to see how fantastic I am. One of them is a short story but the other is an academic essay of around 4000 words. Yes, I'm voluntarily doing an academic essay. And what.

It's not just things that I need to do though (because I know you're thinking "didn't she just say that she chose to do 2 extra essays on top of her own dissertation that she's given herself a really stupid deadline for?" So shut up) but it's little hassles that pop in your face. This person wants to do this; this person wants to go there; this person's got an issue; this person still hasn't had their birthday present exchanged from last year, which has now been whipped back up into the frenzied, unnecessarily emotional sorting-out nonsense - which will probably last until their birthday this year - that people say they won't get involved in, but then get involved in outside of group discussion times making matters even less coordinated and more emotional; this firm's got an open day/training contract; hey, Edi, have you heard of X company? I think you'd suit them perfectly; Edi, you haven't written a blog post in a while, what's up with that?

Life's up with that B*tch. Deal with it. Sorry, I didn't mean to swear at you, and no, it's not because I'm on my period. It's probably mainly because I don't have a lot to write about at the moment because I'm too busy trying to sort all of this stuff out and I don't have my timetable for next semester yet so I can't make a detailed lesson/'free-time'/library timetable and till I can do that I can only focus on what I have in front of me, each item of which is distracting me from the other because I don't know whether to focus on degree, job hunt (and that's a whole other kettle of fish there depending on whether I decide to throw all my efforts into law or divide between law and non-law, and how long should I spend practising the assessment tests) or extra stuff more because until I get my essays from next semester back I don't know whether I'm aiming for a 1st or a 2:1.

That is all. Oh, that and b*tches be crazy.