Guess who's back?

If you haven't heard, drop everything you're doing and listen up kids, cos I'm back in London, and when I say back, I mean back.

HOW I EXPECT MY FRIENDS TO REACT TO MY HOMECOMING

After a dramatic and a little bit sad abandonment of my post in China, I've made the executive decision to get my career kicked off here in the UK. No point in competing with all those graduates about to burst into the world in September - it's bad enough finding a job as it is without their fresh-faced optimism.

Life's back in full swing here. I've got several (yes, several) interviews coming up this week, including an initial one today that I passed, although it didn't feel like it at the time, and a couple more grad-style 'assessment centres'. God I hate assessment centres. I really don't want to be heading off against 150 other passionate/desperate recent graduates who are trying to flaunt their minuscule amount of experience over one another (I can say these things, as I'm one of them). I'd be better in the hunger games. At least I wouldn't have to pretend to be really enthusiastic about an entry level position and a teeny-tiny salary.

I'm also in the market for a tablet and, yes, I know I don't have a job yet, but it's not like I'm buying an iPad. I've settled on Google Nexus, but I'm torn between the 10 and the 7. I'm falling on the side of the 7, but the size is putting my off slightly - my giant man hands may swamp the poor thing. On the other hand, the 7's specs are much better. Decisions decisions.

I keep feeling like I'll be leaving the country again any minute now - I haven't lived in London for almost 5 years now! But I promise I won't. Friends, get in contact!

HOW THEY ACTUALLY REACT

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step

千里之行，始於足下

I've packed, I've visa'd, I've exchanged money, I've bought a VPN so I can use Facebook, I've said my goodbyes, I've even re-vamped my China blog in preparation for the switch-over. I'm officially going to China. Again. People are angry (more people than I was expecting actually), but they'll get over it. I've had to make several promises that I'll never leave the country again, so at least I can avoid being detained against my will for the time being. By Saturday I'll be 6,000 miles away, fully prepared for my endeavor but wholly irritated.

Irritated? Why? How could anyone going to spend a year in China possibly be irritated by that prospect (LOL jk, there are bare reasons). But, on a serious note, because, putting the considerable faff and panic aside, this job acquisition has been a nightmare for my personal finances. Bearing in mind that for the past 4 years I've been a student in full-time education, with nothing but the occasional part time job and un-paid internship to recommend me, it is only by virtue of my naturally frugal nature that I've been able to cough up enough money to go on this excursion, the majority of which will not be refunded. I don't maths, but let's calculate, hm? For the sake of my rant.

We'll forget the flights (which will be reimbursed) and the visa (£93, but everyone going to China has to get one, so I'll let it slide), personal expenses are as follows:

• Sign-up fee: £80 (that's right, I had to pay to get a job)
• Full medical check: £10 (now, this was only by grace of my doctor, it could have been upwards of £200, like my first visit)
• Criminal Records check: £69
• Insurance: £130
• Various photocopies: At least £1.50
• Beijing-Sichuan transfer: £170 (we were initially told to bring £50, yeah, right.)
• UK-China adaptor: £11.97
• Initial living expenses cover: £350
• VPN: £47.50

So the moral of the story is, unless you have a spare £500 floating around (+ up to £1000 you'll have to fork out for your flights, not reimbursed till the end of the year) or extremely loving parents, or very rich relatives, or a loan (good luck in this economic climate) you can't be an English Language Assistant for the British Council in China.

However, this post is not having a go at the British Council itself nor the China programme and its set up. I haven't actually started working/training, in fact, I haven't even left the bloody country yet, so I'm not really in a position to comment on that. What I do know is that it's a very competitive programme to get on and I've heard many a good thing (in other words, very few negative reviews). Everything's gone smoothly so far for the majority of people, and I must admit so far the organisers have been very on the ball and willing to help with the most ridiculous of worries. So if by chance you have stumbled across this post looking for an answer as to whether or not you should sign up for ELA China, please do not take this a deterrent. Unless of course you're making your decision solely based on financial incentive. In which case, this is not the job for you.

All I'm saying is that unless you are willing to scrimp, save, keep off the bottle, beg, borrow, steal, or get a job for at least 3 months before signing up, don't sign up. I'll reserve my judgement of the programme for now. But don't worry, there will be judgement.

Just so you know, I will be switching to my other blog - Stories About China - from now on!

Panic and Play

My personal panic levels have died down somewhat of late as I finally reached the conclusion that worrying about my work permit arriving (or not as the case maybe) on time for me to actually get a visa is something that is beyond my control. So, instead, I've decided to have fun with my indefinite time off. I've been out for lunches, dinners, been to a few parties, gone to museums, I even had a spa day with my mum! Not at all the attitude of someone who is worried about their immediate job prospects.

Charlotte and I at the
Greenwich Maritime Museum

I even learnt how to knit, just like I said I would! Here are my first couple of projects, a pair of Wristwarmers! The colours are a bit naff, but it's my 'practice pair' and the first things I ever really made myself! Super proud. Email me your orders kids.

A snowflake practice thingy that I made
That's right, I can stitch patterns now, and what?

I've had other things to worry about though. In general, I've decided that becoming an adult is too hard and - as a follow on from my last post - as my parents are making it so easy for me, I'm not really sure why I'm being press-ganged into it. For example, I've been convinced that I now have to go out and get something called a "credit card". Now, you may or may not know this, but I'm not exactly a big shopper. In fact, the only time I've ever used one is when my mum has instructed me to pay for something using this card that looks and acts an awful lot like a debit card. I'm so confused I'm actually gonna have to go into my branch and talk to someone. Like, those adverts that are on for Halifax, with the real people, with real jobs who go in, and discuss their finances. Like that. Christ. But I will actually need one, as the most recent application I made for a prepaid multi-currency card thingy was denied because I don't have a "credit rating". What? What are you talking about sir?

The most recent conversations I've had with my friends have all revolved around career paths, marriage and mortgages. We're becoming real people, with real jobs, in the real world. And I have to do lesson plans, because I'm going to be teaching. I was the one being taught a couple of months ago - these people really shouldn't be entrusting the future of their country's children into my sweaty palms. Half the material is on classroom control and actually getting people to talk - as if I have any modicum of power over these people. Remember when I was excited about the lesson plans?  - and the folders? - well I've realised now that these folders will be the means of earning my own living. Earning my own living.  I'm now 22 - and, yes, I am feeling it - but I didn't think I would be being canonblast-ed into responsibility. 

Oh, and Kathy sent me an email today telling me my work permit will arrive by the end of this week. See, no reason to panic after all.

                             WHEN SOMEONE ASKS ME ABOUT MY "CREDIT HISTORY"

Middle Class vs Only Child

Often in the wake of my birthday and the big party held in its honour (people sometimes remember that my mum's birthday is on the 8th...but most forget), I get a sharp sense of the reality of how lucky I am. It's basically a massive #CheckYourPrivilege moment. Amidst the presents, family, food, friends and just general lovin', it's easy to feel like it's all just a bit over the top and get a bit of 'surely this can't all be for me' syndrome. I'm never sure, though, whether this is a symptom of being an only child or just being a typical middle class family. Let me explain.

There have been two recent occurrences that have led me to consider this question. Firstly, when I told my parents that I didn't really felt like I deserved a prize for getting a first, they bullied me into picking something. When I had decided on the new Wii U they responded with something along the lines of 'Well, that's not very exciting is it? We were going to get you that for your birthday anyway.' Well, that's me told. A minor incident, but still enough to make me think - should I have chosen a car instead?*

Secondly, there's this whole off to China malarkey. Now, being brought up in the frugal manner my parents had intended, I was OK with getting the indirect flight to Beijing via Doha as - what with all the paperwork scares - it was quite late in the day and the last direct flight for the 16th was around £1000. Now, here I was trying to save my parents a bit of dollar. But no. Why? Why would you travel for almost 2 days? Is there a direct flight? There's a direct flight! Are you mad?! GET. THE. DIRECT. FLIGHT. I. WILL. PAY.

Of course, I'm not the only person who feels this way, hence the nagging comparison. I mean, who am I kidding, I know people who got a parental donation just for graduating, first or no first. Middle class children are no stranger to the occasional 'because-I-thought-you'd-like-it' gift, and best of all getting a 'yes' to what you thought would absolutely be a 'no' (evenif you're not sure why you thought that, and your parents seem completely un-phased). Yes, other middle class children (or rather children of middle class parents) are, too, often met with the paradox of upbringing. When I explained this to my mum, she quite agreed with me. The paradox goes something like this:

As a middle class, working adult, you have striven your entire life so that you could provide for your family, as well as providing them with those little extras that marks one as being 'middle class'.

However, while wanting your child(ren) to be dependent on you during the early stages of their life - when your more than happy to provide them with anything and everything - this is exactly the opposite of what you want them to be in their adult lives. You want them to know the value of things, get a part time job, study hard, finish their education, and generally have good prospects so you won't be looking after them when they're 33.

That being said, when you see your child(ren) about to embark on their adult lives, you can't help but feel a sense of insecurity and panic. How can I just cast them off into the world with nothing? How will they fend for themselves? You've brought them up to be responsible and frugal, but they shouldn't have to be! The world is a cruel place - you know this, you've had to work up yourself. And for what? To give your children everything.

I can't blame you for being confused. There's a very thin - seemingly transparent - line delineating when it's OK to push your child(ren) out of the nest and let them fly alone. Well, not completely alone. You've saved up a bond/trust/shares/ISA for them since you found out you were pregnant in case the worst happened so they would be provided for when they turned twenty-something. But that's besides the point.

They still need help buying their first place, getting plane tickets, where are they going to stay? What are they going to eat? They should -and probably can - save for themselves, but it can't hurt giving them a bit extra just to help them out. After all, you have a second home in *major city*, why don't they just stay there until they can afford their own house? Or even better, live at home until they get married. Why not just buy the place for them? Why did you work so hard in the first place?!

As for me, I'm living with my parents till they kick me out. No one will love me unconditionally ever again - I should take notes so I remember how to bring my children up properly too.

 (*I can't drive)

Holiday #3: Martijana go to Malta

Things have happened - I'm sorry for not writing to you. I know how bereft you must have felt without the constant updates of the banalities of my daily life. Let me enlighten you, please.

But seriously, actual things have happened. I graduated for one - here's a series of proof:

Flatmates with ceremonial bagpiper
That's right, we went to uni in Scotland

Me, Martha and Serrena

Martijana - check out the kilt kids

A small portion of The Chinese Crew

I will have the grand, official photo up as soon as possible.

The ceremony itself went by in a flurry of activity (I'm apparently called Ediyana Obi-...*hrumph*-Guest now), with barely enough time to cheer for each friend before being swatted off the stage with a hat that almost went - *but didn't quite make it* - to space. The day was long, v. tiring though, between preparing, obtaining robes, taking photos, taking official photos, ceremony-ing, more photos, more photos, photos, omg so many photos, and returning robes. Then we had to run off to catch the train at 6pm, after a rushed wine and cheese reception at the Chinese department, because the next day....

...I had a rehearsal for my cousin's wedding, in which I was a bridesmaid! It was a full on Nigerian affair - smack bang in the middle of London, in a very expensive hall with probably too many guests and overall just a little too much. But, I suppose, that's what made it such a glorious day. The weather was superb and at least the bride and groom had a spectacular wedding day. The bridesmaids' dresses were actually quite nice and I'm definitely considering reusing mine for a less grandiose event.

Groom's Family 

Me with cousin + fellow bridesmaid Efe

Mum in full traditional with Colin

Ok, now on to the eponymous holiday. You may be thinking "Holiday #3? Where was 2 (or 1 for that matter, if you're not a regular reader)" Well, for 1, do your research, as for 2 it was the trip I took to Aberdeen to see the land of my lover. Although, I don't think it really deserves it's own post in comparison to the charms (and heat) of Malta.

As we spent almost everyday at the beach or just generally wondering around in the sunshine on the very small islands that make up Malta, there's not actually that much to relate. We stayed in Bugibba in St. Paul's Bay, which seems to be 'British Base Camp 1' in the northwest of Malta. Besides visiting the capital - which is really only a half-day trip - there's not much to do besides chill out. The beaches in the north such as Mellieħa and Golden Bay are rightly famous sandy beaches, with parasols and loungers still affordable.

We also visited the second Island of Gozo, having booked a day bus trip to take us around. Jo - the busdriver - was a complete lad but also a bit of a time Nazi. If we didn't have a specific but obscure time to get back (12:35, TWELVE THIRTY-FIVE) it was 15 minutes, 20 minutes, 35 minutes, 1 hour 10 minutes.
At least it was pretty. Besides Malta and Gozo, there's also the island of Comino, which offers only a secluded swim in the famous blue lagoon and is home to just 5 permanent residents.

Martin is impressively not that burnt, but that may be due to the fact that I spent half my time chasing him around with the factor 30 while he insisted in lounging in the midday sun. He is a little pink, but again I've been attacking him with after sun, so peeling is a minimum. White people.

The food was good - especially the random Bulgarian Some friends may be shocked to learn I ate ice cream and, on more than one occasion, *wait for it*...Pizza. Blame Martin.